i have..

Recently there has been alot going on in my head, a lot of things that i don't understand. I have questions that i will never ask because i'm scared to hear the answer though i need to. I have thoughts that will remain just that. I have dreams that can be nothing more because i'm scared the reality will never be enough. I have tears i can't cry because i've already cried too many. I have a life that i just can't start living yet because i don't know how long it will last. I have friends that will never know my real feelings because i'm scared to lose what i have. I have a mother to whom i still have words to say and a father to whom i occasionally say too many. I have a relative who bit by bit is fading away, living in a world that only she understands, confused and destroyed by Alzheimers. I have a friend who is scared to become something she feels she already is, who struggles to keep control in the one way that shows its slowly slipping away. I have exams that i am not ready for and things i'd rather be doing. I have too many things going around my head to think of just one of them....